Friday, December 14, 2012

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Introducing Guest Freaker: THE CRUSHER

Yeah, we've been a little quiet lately. Hey, in case you didn't notice, there's an election going on and we live in OHIO. We're busy deciding the fate of the whole country over here people, give us a minute.

But meanwhile, fear not, freakers! Just when you were almost bored with us, here we go introducing a new feature to our freakish lineup! It's THE CRUSHER. Cloaked in freakishly fashionable secrecy, The Crusher is about to blow your mind with well reasoned, numbered breakdowns of awesomeness. Can you handle it???

Brace yourself for.....

Why this is brilliant:
1. Chickens

2. Up to date, midcentury-influenced, clean lines, yet with charming reference to old fashioned country kitchens

3. Design is related to dense leafy florals in the way the chickens' back ends are stylized



Friday, September 28, 2012

even the clams are freaking out

Me, last night, curling up in bed, eagerly awaiting my delivery: "I get to read a new JK Rowling book tomorrow!!!"

My husband: "Oh you're just happy as a clam, aren't you?"

Me: "I am! Only I'm not sure clams can read."

Him: "No eyes."

Me: "Right."

Him: "Audio books?"

Me: "I don't think they have ears either."

Him: "Clam braille."

Me: "Do they have fingers?"

Him: "They could use their feet. The meat inside the clam is called a foot. That's how they move around you know, look it up."

Me: "Huh. Okay, I guess I am happy as a clam."

New JK Rowling! FREAK OUT!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

hop hop adoobeedeeboo

Ok, we may have to change the name of this blog to Molly and Lynne and Their Army of Jennifers Freak Out Over Shit. Because once again, the Jennifers have come through in a major way. This one comes from Jennifer S. and it's about to BLOW YOUR MIND. I'm even going to forgive the atrocious grammar because come on! BABY BUNNIEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 30, 2012


"We recently became aware that this T-shirt design is circulating on social media," Gayle Saunders, OSU assistant vice president of media relations, wrote in an e-mail. "This is not a University sanctioned T-shirt, and we have no knowledge of where it originated. It is unacceptable and appalling that someone would make light of a tragedy in this manner."

Thanks to......? 

"Needless to say, the shirt is not sitting well with many, including Ohio State alum Molly Litfin from Columbus, Ohio, who started an online petition Wednesday against Ohio State and the Big Ten conference, pleading for the production of the shirts to be discontinued."

And also:
"In fact, a New York Daily News report by Justin Tasch references Ohio State alum Molly Liftin who started a petition against Ohio State and the Big Ten to stop production of the shirts. It's refreshing to see someone from Ohio State being against this shirt."

WOO! Go Molly! And thanks to Anonymous for pointing out the USA Today article. Friends?

and regarding the R word

p.s. to Anonymous: I deleted your comment "but in all seriousness that petition is re-fucking-tarded OSU can't do anything about people making or selling those shirts."

Besides just finding it pretty rude to call the author of a blog names, having worked at a preschool for children with special needs for 7 years and having many dear friends in the special needs community, I have ZERO tolerance for the use of that word. Freedom of speech all you want friends, this is our blog and I'm deleting any such comment without apology. You got a thoughtful, respectful response to your other points, and I'm happy to engage in dialogue with you that way. You don't get to insult people with special needs here.

Please visit if you need more information.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Dear Anonymous

Ok, I know that Molly is perfectly capable of responding eloquently to this, but as the other name on the title of this blog, I feel the need to chime in about her post, and to the many responses from an anonymous reader. Also as her friend I think Molly needs to put some cucumbers on her eyeballs and chill out for the rest of the night. No blood vessels bursting on my watch, please sweetie!

So, Anonymous. I tried to reply in the comments, but I've got too much to say here and Blogger won't let me fit it all in the little comment form. So you get a full post in response. Congratulations.

First, thank you for saying that the shirt is bad. I'm glad we can at least agree on that point.

Now I'm going to start with the easiest point of yours to refute: that this shirt is supposedly not "OSU gear." Actually, Molly acknowledged in her post that it wasn't officially licensed by Ohio State, we all know that it isn't officially OSU gear. However, if you do a quick web search (here you go) you'll find that quite a few people seem to think it is, or are at least happy to jump on the Buckeye-bashing bandwagon as a result of it. So this shirt represents us, and official or not, we're being put in the position of defending ourselves as a result. 

And as any Ohioan knows, though the team colors may be scarlet and grey (as you pointed out - as if we don't know), white is often substituted for grey in our fan gear. It just shows up better than grey, let's face it. Even the team's uniforms use white! And the shirt mentions the Wolverines - duh. Who's a bigger rival to the Michigan Wolverines than OSU? Perhaps Michigan State, as you say, but their colors are green and white. So no, pretty sure this shirt is all Buckeye. But if you really want to argue that point, you may be interested to know that this isn't only happening here in the Buckeye state, but also in Michigan, Alabama and Louisiana State (again, try a Google search.) Probably in the time I've taken to type this, half a dozen more have popped up. There's even an Urban Dictionary term for it now. So no, it isn't specifically OSU gear, sadly it's actually much worse than that.

Now, your "women women women, men are bad! bullshit" comment. First of all, yes, you're being an obvious troll here. I might even venture to say that you sound like a complete asshole when you say things like that, and quoting Voltaire just makes you then sound like a very full of himself asshole. And this blog isn't the US government, we are free to censor you all we want - keep up crap like that and we will happily do so. Go start your own blog if you want to exercise your freedom of assholery, that's your right.

Second, it IS misogyny that marginalizes the importance of rape, because rape usually happens to women and girls. Not all the time, and not in this specific instance, but one in four college women are victims of sexual assault. Four. That's me, Molly, and each of our daughters. That makes it our issue. If you begin any way of thinking from the standpoint of valuing one group of people less than another, it follows that crimes done to that group of people will be seen as less horrific than if they were done to the group that is seen as superior. Ask an African American or two or thousand about their experience if you don't think this is true. And don't even get me started on a certain Republican's ridiculous remarks about rape and abortion, or the kind of fights that rape victims have to endure in our country's legal system. Rape is not taken as seriously as it should be because it happens to women. Prove to us that that isn't true - take it seriously. Spend your time fighting the one in four statistic instead of arguing these points with women. As a woman and a feminist (who never said men are bad, who is married to a lovely man, who works with lovely men including Molly's lovely husband), I would love to see this become an issue that isn't deeply tied to misogyny. I would love to see it become an issue that doesn't exist at all, because rape doesn't exist. But too few men are interested in making that happen, and that's why it's especially important to us "women women women."

Finally, to your free speech comment: I think this is really the most valid point to be made here. I agree with you - whoever made this shirt should be free to do so. I think it's wrong, and I think they should stop, but I don't think I have a right to make them stop, and neither does OSU as an institution. I agree that it's a slippery slope when we start trying to shut people up, no matter what nonsense they may say. However, what we all CAN do is exercise our own freedom of speech by expressing our outrage about this. And Ohio State can certainly publicly condemn these shirts, and make it clear that they are not only not producing nor profiting from them, but that they find them offensive on behalf of the Penn State victims and Ohio State fans. They can encourage other schools to do the same. They can call on all college sports fans to begin the season with a little more class, simple as that. A message like that could very powerful coming from OSU President E. Gordon Gee or Coach Meyer, much more than our little blog or even Molly's petition could be (though kudos Molly for starting it!)

Actually, I have one more thing to say. Are you just one person, Anonymous? If so, can you please keep your comments to one post or two instead of flooding our blog with reply after reply? That's a little rude, and again, we can delete them. You're coming to our party, we can kick you out. If you're different people with a similar sentiment, fine, please read the above message too. Thanks.

~ Lynne

There is nothing I can say that will really be enough.

Okay, so let's just get this out of the way right now. I think football is BORING. I attended & graduated from The Ohio State University, have lived in Columbus, OH my entire life, but I don't give a hoot about OSU football. It's great if you love it, but I get very tired of all the craziness surrounding the OSU football team. Or really, any football team in general. I'm all for going to sporting events & getting into it, or cheering your favorite team on as you watch on tv, but the atmosphere surrounding OSU football is just too much for me. 

That said, I know a lot of people, family members included, love OSU football. It means a lot to them, and they sincerely love to cheer on the team, year after year. They hate that I never have any idea what the game schedule is & call while they're watching the game. They think it's weird that I find blue & yellow to be a gorgeous color combination. They love it, they look forward to it, and overall, I think it's really awesome that no matter where you go, in any airport, if you yell out "O-H!" there's a really high chance that someone will yell back "I-O!"

But when I saw this, I almost burst a blood vessel in my brain from pure rage:

If you see this and laugh, well, don't tell me because I will come at you like Jack the Ripper. This is beyond awful. This is EVIL. This is making light of one of the most horrific vaguely sports-related crimes I've ever heard of, and I will not stand for it. Not for one goddamned second. And do you want to know why? Good. Because I'm going to tell you.

1) THIS IS MAKING LIGHT OF THE ABUSE OF CHILDREN. Say that to anyone who thinks it's "just a joke" or that it's just "getting back" at the Penn Staters who made shirts about last year's OSU scandal, which I still don't entirely understand, except that I am 100000000% positive that it didn't involve destroying children through systematic rape & cover up, so it's not even on the same planet as far as sports-related crimes. One is ignoring the rules for dumb shit like trading a jersey for tattoos, the other can destroy a person for the rest of their life. So, not related. Joking about child abuse is NOT FUNNY. N-O-T F-U-N-N-Y. That whole situation makes me so sick & sad that I have literally lost sleep and cried in public places thinking about it. So no, I do not think that this is at all appropriate.

2) THIS IS MAKING LIGHT OF RAPE. I am SO SICK of people (generally men) thinking that rape is something they can josh around with (Daniel Tosh around with?) in a lighthearted manner. Really? When it's your mother, your grandmother, your sister, your cousin, your daughter, will you think it's funny to hear someone joke about it? If not, then STOP JOKING ABOUT IT NOW. I have been lucky enough to be spared this personal hell, but I know more than one person who has not. And for them, and for all who have had to endure not only the act itself, but the callous nature of a society that thinks it's not a big enough deal to not make shitty "college humor" reference t-shirts out of the violation, I AM DISGUSTED AND FULL OF RAGE. If you don't get it, read this paragraph until you do. Or go talk to some real-life rape victims and see how this has forever changed their lives. And not in a magical, wow life is amazing kind of way.

3) THIS IS USING VICTIMS AS A PUNCHLINE. You know what's not funny? THIS. Would you dare go to the scene of a car accident & mock the way the bleeding, lifeless bodies look? No? THEN YOU SHOULDN'T THINK THIS SHIRT IS FUNNY. It's taking a crime that is already marginalized & making it into fodder for cheap laughs. That's insane. INSANE. Would you go down to the hospital & point & laugh at the sick & their families, as they fight to carry on? Would you trip them, shove them, pull out their tubes, all in the name of "hijinks" or "hilarity"? No, you wouldn't, because that sounds awful. But that is EXACTLY what this shirt is doing. "Ha ha ha ha ha! I'd rather be "raped" (as if that's really a bad thing, amirite?) than root for my college's football rival! So funny!" If you agreed with any of that, let me know so I can punch you so hard you go back in time & never exist.

4) THIS IS MISOGYNY. You don't think so? Well my friend, it is. Because if men had to learn how to protect themselves from the threat of rape, it wouldn't be a joke. But all women are taught that they have to do everything in their power to "prevent" themselves from being raped. Think about that. Why do girls walk in pairs or groups, whether it's to the bathroom, home from a party, around an unfamiliar block? To prevent rape. That's right. It's constantly *our job* to keep rapists away from us. And if we fail, and we are raped? Well, you know, we did wear a sexy dress/drink too much/walk alone in the dark/have breasts/consent to sexual behavior up to but not including sex itself/have sex with anyone other than the man in front of you now/etc. So we're really partially to blame. BULLSHIT. You know who carries 1000000000000000000000000% of the blame here? THE RAPIST. Until we start teaching men & boys, that rape is NEVER an option, I'm going to insist that not enough is being done. And I refuse to find humor in anything that implies that rape isn't really a big deal. 

I could go on. I really could. But frankly I'm getting so upset that I need to step away. Also I feel obligated to point out that this shirt is NOT LICENSED OSU GEAR. The school itself has nothing to do with it. Some asshole somewhere does, and I swear I'm going to find that person, make them stop, & make them apologize. Which isn't enough, but it's about as much as I can do without the ability to control everything everywhere at all times. So onward & upward with my goal. And the next time you hear or see someone making light of this situation, or any situation involving any of the reasons I pointed out, please don't be silent. Too many good people stand back, letting the jerks win. Please don't let that happen here.

If you so choose, here's my petition trying to block this shirt from existence. Take a second to help, and pass it along if you could. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

*Quick update/note: to any of my friends or family who might read this, I should have been more clear. In NO WAY DO I THINK ANYONE I CARE ABOUT SAW THIS SHIRT AND LAUGHED. It hurts me that something I know many hold dear, for good reasons, are being lumped in with some "fans" who think this is funny. This shirt makes loyal OSU fans, my friends & family included, as well as OSU look awful, and that upsets me as well.Just because OSU football doesn't matter to me doesn't mean I'm not very proud to be an OSU grad. My deepest & most sincere apologies if anyone thought for even a second that was my reaction. 


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Orla Kiely Method Soap!

Freaky friends, today is a special day. Now being spotted at Target stores nationwide, I bring you....... the Orla Kiely Method hand soap.

That's right Henry, it's AMAZEBALLS.

Henry is reporting on the scene from the Lennox Target here in Columbus. And Correspondent Jen G found Ginger Peach in the Detroit area:

It's so exciting!!! And yes, I bought 6 bottles, elbowing my way through throngs of returning OSU students. Cleanliness is next to awesomeness!!!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

going viral!

Hey, remember our adorable friends Wayne and Cody?

Well Wayne has written a lovely piece all about the Chick-fil-A issue that is so well done, we all thought it should go viral. I forwarded it to a few famous folks and some other friends did the same, and this morning he's already got 37 thousand likes!!!

Dan Savage of Savage Love (one of the folks I forwarded it to! yay!) called it "amazing" and "required reading" and another 1,455 people retweeted it. It was posted on One Stop Newstand and Mothertalkers already. And it's only 10 am so far.

How awesome is it to see people you like get some  well-deserved attention for their work? FREAK OUT AWESOME!  Yay Wayne!!!

Friday, July 20, 2012

freaking. out.

"And as someone who writes about movies, and who cares about the big, flawed thing we call fandom, I’m saddened by someone turning that shared enthusiasm into a weapon. And even if this tragedy hadn’t happened at the premiere of one of a dwindling number of genuinely mass cultural events, I hate the idea of using an audience’s suspension of disbelief, their openness to and absorption in the spectacle unfolding before them, as cover—the gunman reportedly started shooting during a sequence involving gunfire, meaning the audience was slower to react. We are vulnerable when we go to the movies, open to fear, and love, and disgust, and rapture, surrendering our brains and hearts to someone else’s vision of the world. We don’t expect to surrender our bodies, too." ~ Alyssa Rosenberg


"We act out because, ironically, we think it will bring us some relief. We equate it with happiness. Often there is some relief, for the moment. When you have an addiction and you fulfill that addiction, there is a moment in which you feel some relief. Then the nightmare gets worse. So it is with aggression. When you get to tell someone off, you might feel pretty good for a while, but somehow the sense of righteous indignation and hatred grows, and it hurts you. It's as if you pick up hot coals with your bare hands and throw them at your enemy. If the coals happen to hit him he will be hurt. But in the meantime, you are guaranteed to be burned." ~ Pema Chodron

but let's not forget

‎"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world." ~ Fred Rogers (aka Mr. Rogers)

With love and deepest sympathy to the families and friends of the Aurora, CO victims.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Where's the Orla love??

Correspondent Jen G is on the Orla scene in Detroit!

I am an Orla Kiely addict--3 purses, 1 wallet, coffee mugs, bowls, the whole cheapie Target line of melamine bowls and trays from a few years back. So when I first learned about Orla (as I call her, since we are so close) coming to Bed, Bath, & Beyond in March and nearly peed myself. I began picking out paint colors for my bedroom to coordinate with her classic stem pattern.

When the day finally came along that BB&B was carrying Orla's stuff, I nearly peed myself again. I log onto to the BB&B website, surprised to see that Orla's magnificence wasn't plastered over the banner or even on the front page. Okay, so designer sheets aren't for everyone, I get it. I type Orla's name into the little search box, and what do I find?

2 comforters and 3 types of sheets, and 1 pathetic throw pillow.

Commence the freak out.


BB&B is calling the line “Orla Kiely House.” House to me, means more than sheets and comforters. My house does not consist of bedroom. On Orla’s website, if you pull down the little tabby thingy labeled “HOUSE,” there are three choices: Bath, Kitchen, Living. So, BB&B, where’s the bathroom stuff? Kitchen? Living? Maybe it should be renamed “Orla Kiely Rented Studio with Shared Kitchen and Bath” or “Orla Kiely Room.”

May I also remind you that BB&B stands for Bed, Bath & BEYOND! Not only have your forgotten the Bath of this so-called-line, but you haven’t even REMEMBERED the BEYOND! Come on, BB&B! Why have you given Orla such a half-hearted commitment?

On Orla’s website, there are FOUR bedding collections, which are available in the UK only:

Notice the canisters on the bedside table? Yes, you could purchase those too if you wanted: if you live in the UK.

Here is a teeny, tiny sampling of her kitchen lines (note the plural):

Here is what BB&B offers:

Granted, I do appreciate that this is the only bedding that Orla offers us in the U.S. However, this is not a line. This isn't even a mini-line. It's a stretch to call it a sampling. It's 2 comforters and a few sheets. It sucks. And the prints aren’t even that interesting! The comforters are too loud and the sheets are too muted!

And have you see the pricing? $200 for a king-sized comforter? One can buy a designer named comforter at a large department store for that or less! Okay, so it’s Orla and she’s a designer. I just added all the bedding and shams for a Queen/Full, mind you, that are shown in that first picture. Total? $469.93! And you KNOW those 20% coupons will not be honored because it’s a designer brand!

Okay, so I don’t know for certain that the quality is less but this is usually how the designer at the big box discount store often works (and the online reviews state so). So I shall head to one of the BB&B stores to find out for myself, right? I am a fairly low maintenance girl (really I am); I don’t need the 2 milllion thread count sheets. So I typed in my zip code, a zillion stores in the Metro Detroit area popped up. However, upon closer inspection, I found this right above the store listings:

We were unable to locate a store with availability within 50 miles. You may enter different search criteria or please order online or call 1-800-GO BEYOND to place an order.

WHAT???? I CANNOT EVEN WALK INTO MY LOCAL BB&B STORE TO OGLE AND FONDLE MY DEAR ORLA? I CAN”T EVEN DRIVE WITHIN 50 MILES TO FONDLE? Do you mean to tell me that BB&B could not clear out a few of their Nautica / Laura Ashley outdated 80’s bedding in order to a few NEW items on a shelf? These stores are stocked to the RAFTERS! I concede that I live in the Midwest, but we have a Neiman Marcus, Saks, Nordstrom, Tiffany’s, Ferragamo, Louis Vitton, 2 (!) Georgio Armani, Lacoste, Burberry, and Lily Pulitzer just a mere 10 minutes away from the nearest BB&B! We are not total slouches here!

Is this how an American company treats our dear Orla? It's just like back in the 1800 and 1900's: "Irish Need NOT Apply."

And to add insult to injury, look closely at this photo:

Is that an Orla lampshade I see? A LAMPSHADE? Why BB&B, WHY would you place that in the photo if you have no intention of selling it?!? Is it just to torture me? Yes, just march me up to the top of the mountain to see the views, then march me back down and tell me, sorry, loser, NOT FOR YOU!

I would also like to add that if you wanted to replicate this exact bedding for your room, it would cost a FORTUNE!

I thought the point of offering Orla in BB&B to make it widely available AND affordable to us common, lowly, poor fashionistas who shop at places like BB&B and Target? If you are going to bring it to the masses, then BRING IT! If that Brita Wottle Bottle were available at BB&B, I would have stockpiled 5+ (so I could take a few with me in the rapture, you know) and written a Lynne-styled positive “freak out” post at how cute and fashionable my water bottle is! I would be the envy of my house (since all my neighbors and friends would have one too)!

I know I could turn this as a paranoid conspiracy of Orla’s anti-American leanings, but that is something that I am making up, and I much prefer to blame the big corporate American machine instead. SO SCREW YOU BB&B, you big box store who doesn't know taste and refined style when you see it! Go back to selling your ShamWOWs and Tervis Tumblers! I will be shopping Orla's summer sale on her US website and dream of the day when I, a lowly housewife from the Midwest, can ensconce myself in Orla for 7 hours of blissful sleep.

UPDATE: I just bought myself another purse to drag around all my kids' shit. And at 50% off!

Apologies for my SHOUTY CAPS, but when a girls needs to freak out, she needs to freak out.

Friday, July 13, 2012

while you were not freaking out

So there have been some kick ass things to posted to the Molly and Lynne Freak Out Over Shit facebook page that we are long overdue in posting here. You should probably take this moment to fan us over there so you don't miss out on all the good stuff. And so you too can be a rock star like Jennifer Z and Ralph John R and post some of this awesome business!

Come on back here when you're done, we'll wait.

All done? Ok so here are some highlights of what you may have missed before you joined the party:

Snuggly friends on a swing!!!!

Snuggly puppies!!!!

Bed Bath and Beyond is carrying Orla Kiely!!!!!

Weird hedgehog cake that is somehow still adorable!!!!

Edible Totoros!!!!

And DIGGER THE BABY KANGAROOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Look at the wee hole in his wee diaper for his tail! Look at him do a wee somersault!!!!!!! OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM!!!

So come on back y'all, and FREAK ON!!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

How is that HELPFUL?

So, for the millionth time, my kid was sick & I needed to talk to a nurse. I felt like he was getting worse, and it was really freaking me out. So I called the office of our pediatrician, only to get the message: "Hello, you have reached (name of dr's office). We are closed for lunch. We will re-open at 1:30. If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911." 

And honestly? I thought I was going to have a fucking heart attack. Because, um, hello? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE TO HELP ME WHEN MY KID IS SICK. That's why yr a doctor's office & not, say, a pet store. I'm pretty sure the Hippocratic Oath doesn't mention "I'm happy to help unless I'm eating, in which case please just hang on a sec, okay?" And I'm not insane, I knew it wasn't an emergency to call 911 about, but I was honestly freaked out & really needed to talk with a medical professional to know what to do to help my kid. I'd already been there the day before *with* my sick kid; an appointment that was at 9:40, to which I arrived at 9:35 (to be sure I got any check in & payment done before our appointment time), only to be seen by the doctor at 10:07 (that's 27 full minutes after appointment time, in case you thought you misread that). I had been patient & understanding with that, but now my child was getting much sicker & was in real distress, and I needed help. NOW. Not when yr fucking lunch is over!

I will mention this often when I get mad, but I feel it bears repeating. I'm not an unreasonable person. I know that things come up & changes happen, especially in a medical setting. I get that! If I'm feeling upset & then find out that something happened, I will feel badly that I got upset & hope for the best outcome to that situation. I'm nice, goddammit! But seriously, this is RIDICULOUS. Are you really telling me that the ENTIRE OFFICE has lunch at the EXACT SAME TIME? You can't, I don't know, stagger lunches? Maybe have 2 doctors, 2 nurses, & 2 office staff lunch at 11:30, and then the other 2 doctors, 2 nurses, & 2 office staff lunch at 12:30? And this could rotate, so everyone doesn't always have to eat first or second? Is that really too much to ask? Even running at half staff would be better than "Nope, sorry, our lunchtime is way more important than your sick child." 

And no, I'm not a doctor or a nurse, nor have I ever worked in a medical office. But I HAVE worked many, many office jobs, in which people did take lunches. And you know what? I always managed to take my lunch at a different time than other people working on the same project, so that if something came up, the questioner wasn't left high & dry. And I wasn't saving anyone's life, for shit's sake! When I was a receptionist, I had to wait for someone to come cover the front desk until I went to eat (or go to the bathroom, for that matter), and yet an entire DOCTOR'S OFFICE is allowed to just shut down? HOW IS THAT OKAY?

No, I don't hate doctors. I have a lot of respect for the difficult training they go through, the knowledge they possess, and their ability to keep everyone healthy. I mean that! But it really irks me that somehow the idea that doctors have the ability to save lives has become translated to mean they have a more important life than anyone else. As a stay-at-home-mom, I don't get days off. 24/7, I'm Mom. But if my kid gets sick on Saturday at 1:22 pm, I'm out of luck, because the doctors get their weekend off. And again, obviously dr's deserve to have personal lives too, by no means do I think they should be forced to work round the clock all year long; but seriously, you can't shuffle shifts so that one weekend a month a particular doctor is in the office all weekend & then gets Monday & Tuesday off or something? Is that really that complicated a request?

I guess my point is this: being there to help those who become sick isn't something that can or should be done as a 9-5 job. And if that was yr goal, well, maybe you should think again about why you became a doctor in the first place.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Pandas on slides!!!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Loooooong distance freak out!!!

[From correspondent Jennifer Z, on location at Lake Michigan:]

So, I try not to use electronics at the michigan house, except the basics, especially in "light " of Armageddon 2012. But loooook what I found in a crawl space 5 minutes ago behind my bed. Behold. It was stuck behind on old timey makeup/hair suitcase you take on a plane with a Bermuda sticker on it with a delta luggage tag circa 1971 . Inside, some hairpieces. And behind it, a pile of vinyl, on top of which was....

Oh yeah. Happy independence day ladies!!!!!! Look closely - they sing hang on sloopy?!?!? I am so finding my record player when I get home and provided that there's power, we are going to PARTY like its 1971. It can be our bday celebration !!!!!!!

Friday, June 29, 2012

This is what progress looks like.

And now a break from our baby-animal squees, although in a way they were sort of babies.

These are our pals Wayne and Cody and they just had their 18th anniversary. Seriously, they are about to make me pass out from all the ADORABLE!!! I mean LOOK AT THEM! Could they be any cuter if they tried???? They still have the same SHIRTS you guys!!!!!!!!!

And that guy on the left? He's a devout Christian who says this:

"There's an urge in humans to mar all the beauty we can't possess, control, or monetize. Some people succumb to this urge, some fetishize it, some openly worship it. But no right-wing Satanist's perversion of Jesus can take away the 18 great years I've had with my partner for life. No sociopathic or confused attempt to make a indifference into a moral imperative can stop the sunrise or end the breeze. No encyclical from our addled, isolated sages can end the music of laughter at their expense. Wage miserable war against them and you become their success. Resist them with a defiant smile and you prove that they can't ever really win."

Take THAT, ya haters. Happy anniversary, guys!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

For Lynne

In light of Lynne's recent Goodtimes Experience with Camp Forms & Doctor's Offices, I thought she could use some cheering up. Here's stuff that will make you feel better!

Ha! Wear it to the Dr's office, to make yrself feel better. Or the DMV. (or is it the BMV?  I can never remember. Also I don't really care. It should be called The Place Where Your Soul Goes To Die) But definitely wear it with these:

SO AWESOME! Seriously, wanna go in with me & get these? Take that, LiveStrong! I've got sassy attitude on my wrist! And then, for all your sticker love, have these:

Yay! Now you can always have this at yr fingertips to cheer you up. And since it's designed & made here in Columbus, OH, you can represent the 614 in sassy style!

PS - Seriously, go check out These Are Things. They rule!

Dr. Asshat and the Camp of Asshattery.

Ok, here's the first of what will probably be many negative Freak Outs on this blog. I'm pissed about bureaucratic BS, and I'm PMS-ing, so WATCH OUT.

So my kid is in various camps all summer long. I plan these way back in January, which I know is insane in the first place (seriously, I have a spreadsheet and a color-coded Google calendar and everything, I kid you not) but actually it's what you have to do if you want your kid to be in some of them, which is crazy, right? I KNOW. But hello - some of us work for a living and HAVE NO CHOICE. I'm not going to let my kid just sit around by herself watching tv all summer, so yeah, thanks for the info on those hour-long art camps y'all send home from the school in May, but our summer's already booked with 9-5 camps that cost me an arm and a leg, asshats. And no she can't meet you at the pool at 2pm on a Wednesday, little 4th grade friend, even if it is your birthday. Sorry.

But that's not even the true asshattery of this post.

Every single one of these camps has its own set of forms, and these forms are RIDICULOUS. Really, you need ten pages on my kid for this one week camp? You need to know what kind of diet she eats, even though I'm supposed to send a lunch - and snacks - with her every day anyway? You need me to sign waiver after waiver for you to photograph her, but you can't be trusted to give her aspirin or sunscreen, even if I say it's ok? Ok FINE, I'll do it. Like I have any choice. But really, do all the forms have to be so unique? There really isn't any way to standardize these things, so I can fill out ONE form - hello, maybe ONLINE? what century is this again?? - and I can just say "send this to this camp, this camp, and this camp" and you all get a copy? That's really too hard?? And really, do you need to me to write my very long street address on EVERY SINGLE PAGE? (curse those charming street names of my neighborhood! why can't I live on 123 Ave A or something??) And maybe you can keep the information from the previous year and I can just update it? No? Really??

And I know what you're going to say, if I've been planning these camps since January, I've had six months to do these forms so what's the big deal? Well I wish that were true my naive friend, but actually you have to fill out a form or twenty online to register, then you have to WAIT for them to MAIL you the rest of the forms later, due back immediately. WHY??? BECAUSE THEY HATE YOU, THAT'S WHY.

But again, that's not even the asshattery.

So last summer, I screwed up on one of these MANY forms and forgot to get the doctor signature one done (again, really? you need her entire health history for a one-week camp?) until it was literally the day before the camp. I know, big screw up, and I'll totally own that. We called the doctor (off hours even - Mother of the Year here!) and got the appropriately snippy "lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" type lecture from the doc on call (not my kid's regular one, who is usually very nice and is the only reason why all of this isn't going to make me switch offices... assuming they don't ban me after this post anyway.) Again, totally deserved it, I admit. And I've been hanging my head in shame for an ENTIRE YEAR. And by the way my kid ended up being too sick for camp that week anyway so it didn't even matter (but I still filled out the damn forms and still paid the damn camp fee - ASSHATS.)

Fast forward to this year. I'm a little behind on some of these forms again (GEE I WONDER WHY) but I'm trying hard to get my act together and get it all done. So again I have the doctor form. It's basically 4 pages, 3 of which I've already filled out for them. Get that - I DID THE WORK ALREADY. All they have to do is look it over and make sure I'm not lying about anything and fill in some immunization dates and sign it. That's it. How long do you think that really would take? Compared to the umpteen pages I've got to fill out in addition to that for JUST THIS ONE CAMP? And yeah, I know, they're busy taking care of children and all and probably lots of other moms are asking for the same thing, but still? IT'S THEIR JOB!!!

So I call the doctor's office to see what I need to do about getting this form signed. It's lunchtime. This is the time of day I reserve for taking care of personal stuff - because you know, I don't need to EAT or anything. And the rest of the day I'm supposed to be doing MY JOB. Here's the recording I get: "Hello, thank you for calling Drs. So and So, our office is currently closed for the lunch hour. If this is an emergency, call 911." Ok it was more detailed than that, but that was the gist. I couldn't even leave a message. Seriously? You ALL go to lunch at the same time??? You close down the office? A DOCTOR'S OFFICE???

Ok fine. I go to their website's "Contact Us" page. There's a fax number, I type out a very courteous, informative fax cover sheet and try faxing it all over to them. The machine says "no answer" and re-dails again and again. No answer. Really, you can't even leave your fax machine on during lunch? Ok, I try scanning it to email to them. Back to the website - there's no email address. There's a FUCKING FACEBOOK PAGE (last updated 2011) and yet no email address. What am I supposed to do, post this on your wall?? Ok, ok. I wait until their little lunch hour is over and try calling. Again I get a recording, this one says to press a number for immunization forms. I press it, and get another recording saying to leave a message with the information needed, so I do so. An hour or so later someone calls back and I (very nicely, even though by now I'm seriously annoyed) explain the situation. AGAIN. They ask if I tried it with the area code? Yeah, duh, thought of that. I offer to email the scanned version as a PDF - they say "I wish we could do that." (really, you don't have an email address at all? none of you?) Their answer is "just keep trying, I guess?" Yeah ok, thanks for your help, asshat.

Only, and this is really a key point here, pay attention: I didn't say that. I used to work customer service and I know what unreasonable bitches some people can be, so I am ALWAYS nice as a customer. ALWAYS. NO MATTER WHAT. And I tip MINIMUM 20% in restaurants, always. And see how I get treated? ASSHATS. This is why I am passive aggressively flaming your ass on a blog now. You have only yourselves to blame, really.

So I keep trying to fax them. And trying. Again and again I get "no answer." I think maybe it's our fax machine here? It's been known to be a little wonky, I could see that. SEE HOW NICE I AM? It's me, not you, I assume. I give you the benefit of the doubt. I try sending a fax via Skype on this thing called PamFax - which claims to be free, but really it's only so they can get your info and let you send a mere 3 pages for free, then you have to sign up for their paid service, minimum $12. ASSHATS! So I try faxing only the most essential pages of this form this way. Even PamFax is saying "no answer."

So FUCK IT, I say, I'M DRIVING THE DAMN FORM TO THEM. That's right, I literally got in my car and took the form to them to hand in person. Again, WHAT CENTURY IS THIS?!?

Now, like many pediatrician offices, ours has separate waiting rooms for well and ill children, to prevent infecting the well kids who are just there for routine check-ups. Which is great, and as an aside, why aren't all doctor's offices like this? I could be infected by much worse stuff in my own doc's waiting room, and I don't even get a sticker when I leave (even though my visits are probably WAY more traumatic.) But anyway remember how I said I know they're busy taking care of children and all? Yeah, there was ONE well child in the waiting room when I got there. One very happy, healthy looking toddler, looking forward to her sticker. And none in the sick room. Oh my god you're soooooo busy! WHATEVER. By the way, there was a mom with this toddler, who was sitting there FILLING OUT A FORM. Solidarity, sister.

So I go in and say "I've been trying to fax this camp form for my daughter and haven't been able to get through, so I thought I would just bring it here in person." No acknowledgement that that may have been a pain in the ass for me or anything, no "oh let me see if I can expedite this, considering your trouble" or anything. She takes the form and glances over it and then asks me what instructions she can leave with it for returning the form to me. "Do you want us to fax it back to you or do you want to come back for it?" Um, I'm happy to stay and wait while you fill it out? Again, it's a handful of dates and a signature. HOW LONG DOES IT FUCKING TAKE?!

"There's a 24-48 hour turnaround time for these forms."


Um, yes, there's a fax number on the front of this form for you to return it to me, I say, but I'm worried because I tried to fax it to you (ALL DAMN DAY) and couldn't get through? I don't know if the problem was with my machine or yours, but.......? A little help here? Seriously? I was SO NICE.

Another gal behind the desk butts in: "Oh, it was ours, it's working now."

Ok, here's where if I were a cartoon character, the top of my head would blow off and make a big screeching sound like a train whistle. My eyes would be jumping out of their sockets, and maybe all my fur (because surely I'd be an anthropomorphic cat or bunny or something) would jump off my skin and then settle back on again as I exploded with PMS and form-fuckery-induced rage. I mean REALLY?!?!?!?!??? I've been trying to fax you all damn day, I can't even call you during my lunch hour because you're closed, you don't have an email address, and when I finally get through to you, you just say to "keep trying" and now that I literally drove all the way over here and put the damn form into your precious physical hands, you're telling me that even though the problem was ALL YOUR FAULT, I still have to wait 24-48 hours for you to give me a FUCKING SIGNATURE??? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?

Apparently, yes, they were quite serious. And THAT'S the true asshattery of this post. FUCK. ING. ASS. HATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But friends, I didn't lose my cool. I paused significantly (at least I did in my mind, I probably totally didn't, or if I did it was lost on them) and then said, "Ok. Yes, faxing it back to me would be great. Thanks." And then I walked out, smiling at the happy toddler, and began composing this rant on my mobile device before I even got to my car.

Now I know what you're going to say about First World Problems or Getting A Life or Controlling My Totally Out Of Proportion Anger or whatever. Just shut your trap right now because I don't want to hear it. Sure, there are more important things to get all in a snit about, I know. But the larger takeaway for this little diatribe is this: as I drove away (in heavy traffic with even-more-inconsiderate-than-usual drivers - ASSHATS) I began to breathe a great sigh of relief, because as far as I'm concerned, the great karmic debt of last year's off-hours call for a forgotten form is now paid. My hands are clean. I was given asshattery and I ROSE ABOVE. Mother of the CENTURY, people.

I'm all...
Haters Gonna Hate by

(gif by These Are Things. Dig it.)

But if those asshats take longer than 24 hours to turn around this damn form.. SO HELP ME JESUS.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


I had time to go into the library without the kids the other day (I left them tied to chairs at home. Kidding! They were at home with their dad.) and man - that was awesome! I decided to go through the cd's (yes, I still think it's 1996) since I can't do that with kids in tow; with them I'm weighed down by the 29 books & 6 DVDs we've picked out, not to mention holding at least one of them, and holding the other one's hand. And frankly, Bea tries to pick out the worst music possible & gets mad when I don't want to check it out (Roxette's Greatest Hits? No. Hell No. And yes, she's picked that out. Twice). So I was gleefully flicking through the cases, finding all sorts of good stuff to listen to in the car. And then, lo & behold, I found this:

OH. MY. GOD. Do you have any idea how much I LOVE this album?!? Enough to FREAK THE GEEK OUT when I found it! I literally said "HOT DOG!" out loud - the librarian near me totally chuckled at that - because I knew that I was going to check it out, race to the car, throw the cd in, and blast Track 1 as loud as I could. What track is that, you ask? BARRACUDA. More commonly known as the MOST AWESOME SONG IN THE WORLD. No kidding. For a really long, long time, one of my 3 wishes for a genie was going to be to have this song cue up any time I entered a room. Not sure why I'm freaking out? Here, have a listen:

See?!? It's SO FUCKING KICK ASS. Ann & Nancy Wilson are pretty much the best. EVER. If you don't get it, just listen to this song over & over & pretty soon you'll get it. Rock on, duders!!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Guest Freak Out: from Jennifer Z!

This one comes from my pal Jennifer. She says:

"For your consideration for your freak out blog - i freak out over its cuteness daily."

And no wonder! LOOOOOOOOOK!

and also

I think it's about time for a freakin' shout out. This one goes out to blogger Persephone at What Possessed Me - "A blog about fixation, fascination and unhealthy infatuation."

A favorite of mine for years, Ms. P regular posts lovely photos and interesting tidbits from her life, and - of course - the occasional adorable baby animal.

Case in point just for you Molly - Baby Hedgehog!

Also of note: JAM ON IT.

And might I add: Sleeping Albino Koala. I'M JUST SAYING.

damn you, jeni!

Holy crap, could Jeni Britton Bauer torture us more????? I don't think so!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Presenting: Tea Cup Pigs

Lynne! I feel like I failed you, somehow. How on earth have I not alerted you to the sweetness, the unbearable adorability, the cutest damn wee piglets in the universe?!? To make up for it, here are some pictures for you. 

HOLY CRAP. THAT PIG IS THE SIZE OF A TEACUP! IT'S LITERALLY A TEACUP (sized) PIG!!! Oh man, I wish I could hear it! Snorting & snuffing, squealing when excited. Wheeeee!!!!!!!!!   

OH boy. BOY OH BOY. TWO OF THEM!! Sweet fancy moses, they're so CUUUUUUTE!!! I'd name them Norman & Harold. Or maybe Spotty & Dottie. & I would TOTALLY DRESS THEM UP ALL THE TIME. I would, in fact, be That Lady - the one who brings her dressed up wee piggies everywhere, all dressed up, and baby talks to them. How could you NOT do that? LOOK at them, for heaven's sake!!

 I mean, SERIOUSLY. I'm all nervous & giggly & shaky & swoony because I'm IN LOVE! LOOK at that TINY LITTLE PIG!! He's jumping but it's the tiniest, sweetest, wee-est jump IN THE HISTORY OF TIME!!! AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

So Lynne, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I kept this cuteness to myself for so long. Please accept these re-fucking-diculously adorable images to make up for my lack of informing you about these sweet creatures. (And many thanks to Marion for the reminder!)

Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Fabrics That Started It All

On my second trip to Joann's this week  (I know! I know! I'm obsessed), I thought I should get some pictures of the other fabrics that freaked Lynne & I out. I mean, some random lady actually checked on us because she heard one of us say "I think I might die from heart failure!" and she wanted to make sure we were okay. And yes, physically we were fine. But mentally? Emotionally? DESTROYED. And here is why.

This is the fabric that started our descent into Adorable Overload. That wee, sweet owl! Sitting so innocently in that pentagon of tree branches! SO CUTE!!! And it's on the softest, snuggliest baby blanket cotton flannel. LOVE IT!! And as we were reeling from this one, along came the next print:

OH MAN. IT HURTS! Seriously, if that's not the best, most fantastic, most fun and adorable print you've ever seen, well, sorry that your life stinks so much that you can't enjoy this. Birds! Flowers! Hearts! Trees! Royalty! I have no idea what's going on exactly, I just know that I looooooooooove it. I think if Lynne & I ever end up living in the same house, we might try to find a way to cover the entire house in this print. It's SO DAMN AMAZING! And while this one was still forcing us to practically hyperventilate, we found one that almost broke Lynne.

Behold! The crazy, 1970's mushrooms of perfection!! SO CUTE!!! I want a skirt made out of this. A retro, patch pocket, button front, rick-racked skirt that I can wear & feel groovy & sassy & earth mama. Maybe I want a matching headscarf. WHY NOT? With a print this cute, you can never have too much! Never, I say!

And so there you have it. The Fabrics That Started It All. (this post should be sponsored by Joann's, but it isn't so it's all coming from the true & pure love I have for that goddamn store.)


I love to read fashion blogs. I admit it. I spend quite a bit of time reading different ones, but I think my favorite is one from Australia called Frocks and Frou Frou. I just love her sense of fun & her very unique sense of what she likes. However, the cuteness of her stuff has often caused me to spend large amounts of time online window shopping, which is either good or bad, depending on how you look at it. She's gotten me interested in an Australian shoe company called Melissa - they're apparently like Crocs (meaning: engineered plastic shoes) but cute & stylish. And right now, I have found two SUUUUUUUUPER cute pairs of shoes, thanks to Ms. Lilli.  First Up:

 I mean, look at them! LOOK AT THEM! Stars! On the shoes! So awesome, right?!? The website also shows them in black & white and black & metallic grey, and claims they have them in blue & white. BLUE & WHITE STAR SHOES! Oh goodness, how can I NOT own these?!? If somehow you've read this far & don't agree, LOOK AT THEM AGAIN. And if you still don't agree, whatever, then buy them for me instead of yourself. Easy peasy lemon squeezey! Aaaand, next up:

OH MY GOD!!! Yes, clearly these are little girls shoes, but seriously! LOOK! KITTY CAT SHOES!! They come in white, green (duh!), hot pink, & black. They are all so cute I might have just ovulated looking at them. And yeah, I'm considering looking into whether I could fit into a pair, but honestly, I think every little girl on earth (including my own) NEEDS these! I'm pretty sure that we could achieve world fucking peace if every little girl had a pair of these & we just showed the whole world a picture of all the little girls on earth wearing them. Full of hate? Lookit the little girls in kitty cat shoes! Awwwwww! No more hate! Full of love & joy & squishy-up-insides happiness!!

In case you want to check these or any other sweet stuff out, go here:
And to check out Ms. Lilli, go here:

Friday, June 15, 2012

Crafty Genius!

So sometimes I just wander around Etsy, like I would wander around a cool store. And sometimes I find things that I think "really? you're charging money for that?" and other times I have my mind completely blown. As in, hot DAMN, that person is AWESOME & I kinda want to be their friend based on how awesome their creative goods are. Here is one of those finds:

 I mean, WHOA. Like WHOA NELLIE!! I fucking love this. SO MUCH. I mean, I'm in awe. It's GENIUS!!! And there are so many other fantastic, killer things in this shop. Here's a link, in case you want to go get something. I plan on spending way too much time giggling & getting all excited and freaking out over this. Aaaaand finding a way to convince myself that this needs to be in our house.

(Here's the link: )

Thursday, June 14, 2012


I love hedgehogs! They are sooooooo cuuuuuute!! I swear I will have one someday. And until then, here's evidence of why I LOOOOOOVE them so much!

I mean, look at his ears! All giant & kinda bent. And his wee nose! And the look on his little face, like "oh hello there! Let's snuggle & be best pals forever!" and then he'll fall asleep all curled up next to you. Snoring, because I have it on good authority that hedgehogs snore. Which makes them EVEN CUTER!


que es mas matcha?

Ok, just discovered matcha green tea powder. In a Starbucks strawberry smoothie. Good lord, where has this been all my life?!?!?!?

Lovely Lemons!

Okay, so right now I know what yr thinking: more fabric? Really? What is this lady's problem? But I was at Joann Fabric's yesterday with Lynne, and honestly, I thought one or both of us was going to die of heart failure over the many awesome and adorable fabrics we found. I LOVE FABRIC! It's so cute! And so (potentially) useful! Or just have it and look at it, I don't care. And I don't judge. Which brings me to this fabric - how can you not squeal with delight & feel refreshed & summery & happy when you see this print? Oh man, I'm a little dizzy I love it so much!

So many patterns, so little time!

Ooooh, FABRIC!! Seriously, look at this. If you don't want to love this for the rest of your life, well, then, I'm not sure what to say. LOOK AT THIS. It's so awesome. It's SO AWESOME!!

whooooo's a grumpy owl??

Mr. Pinky McDude, that's who! Orange is on his last nerve, and sending him hairy (feathery?) eyeballs right back. I want to make a Don't Mess With Me flag out of this!!